THE LIBERAL -DEMOCRAT ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT AMNESTY

Once again we find ourselves in the Political Party conference season. This week finds the Liberal-Democrat Party on a charabanc trip to Brighton for their annual beano-by-the-sea, and I feel that it will be particularly memorable for producing one of the most ridiculous ideas I have heard in many years. Party spokesperson Nick Clegg has announced plans to allow illegal immigrants in Britain who have been here for ten years or more the opportunity to come clean and apply for citizenship. That of course is providing that they can prove that they have been in Britain for ten years, that they are fluent in the lingo, and that they have no criminal record!

Anybody entering a country illegally is committing a crime and is entitled to a free membership of the "Illegal League" with immediate effect, and anyone who has managed to stay under the radar for ten years is going to have committed a lot of other crimes along the way. If they have a genuine reason for being in this country they would have gone through the correct channels in the first instance instead of disappearing into the netherworld. An illegal immigrant isn't going to have any proof of how long they have been in the country because they don't exist here. The whole idea is totally ridiculous and unworkable.

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  Many of these immigrants will have been working illegally and not paying any tax or national insurance. Are they going to be immune from prosecution when resident nationals are being prosecuted for the same offence?


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  How many of these immigrants will have been claiming benefits they are not entitled to receive, under false identities? Will they be immune from prosecution for this, perhaps?


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  How many of these immigrants are currently driving round using false documentation and false identities? Is this another case of immunity from prosecution?

I have a much better idea than the one being put forward by the Liberal-Democrat Party. Why don't we round up the illegal immigrants that are clogging up this country and deport them, like any other country would do? Send them back where they came from, and while we're at it lets send the loony Lib-Dems with them. Nobody votes for them because policies like this one make them unelectable, so they won't be missed. It's time to get back control of our borders and control of our country from Brussels, maybe then we would have a chance of stemming the tide of illegal immigrants flowing into Britain. Then perhaps we wouldn't have the need for idiot proposals like an illegal immigrant amnesty.

N.B. Strangely enough, the one thing that hasn't been stipulated as a requirement to apply for citizenship is education, but when you consider that the average Lib-Dem wears jumpers with leather elbow patches, and slip-on shoes to avoid the embarrassing shoe lace problem maybe it comes as no surprise.

Lloyd-George must be turning in his grave.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING...

I have just been down to the local Co-Op to get some veggies for tonight's dinner. Nothing unusual there you might say to yourself, but here comes the punch. It is only the beginning of September and the kids have been back at school three days after the summer hols, and already the boxes of Christmas chocolate have hit the shelves. I don't want to be stared at by thousands of pictures of Father Christmas stacked up at the tills at this time of the year. We haven't had bonfire night yet, the conkers are still on the trees, summer is only just rolling to a close for chrissakes!! Christmas should be banned from shops until December 1st.

BAD TASTE FROM YAHOO UK

I have just been onto Yahoo UK to look at their news pages and found something particularly crass and insensitive. The page covering the death of Luciano Pavarotti has an advert flashing away for a new film called "Run Fatboy, Run".

Somebody either has no brains between their ears, or else they knew exactly what they were doing and they're taking the piss. Either way it is in pretty poor taste and someone should be sacked.

Thoughtless, tactless, tasteless, crass. Anybody else want to add to the list?

Bad call YAHOO dudes!

YOUTH ON THE ROAD

There have been rumblings recently about raising the age to hold a driving license in the UK to eighteen years. Whilst I personally consider this to be a good thing I don't believe it actually goes far enough.

For many years now motorcyclists in this country have been restricted to the size of "horse" they can ride after passing a driving test, in a bid to reduce motorcycle related accidents with inexperienced riders who are riding bikes that are just way beyond their current level of control. If the D.O.T. want to really change the rules for people driving cars on new licenses then this is surely the way to go. It is ridiculous that a seventeen year old whippersnapper can pass a driving test in a car with a 1200cc engine and then go out and buy something with a 3000cc twin turbo V6 which is totally beyond their minimal driving experience. It is time that probationary drivers were restricted to the size of vehicle they can drive, just the same as a motorcyclist. I would also consider changing the rules with regard to buses and trucks making it essential to have several years of road experience before being able to hold a PSV or HGV license. It beggars belief that someone can go from 950kg of car to 38000kg of articulated truck in one leap. It's no better than handing a child a BB gun and swapping it ten minutes later for an AK47 with a full magazine and no safety catch.

I've been driving for eighteen years and most of my friends and family would rather travel with me driving than with anybody else, but I'm still learning things every day. I've just got my first 4WD and I can go places I've never been with a vehicle before, but I've had to learn to drive again because it's a totally different driving experience. The real problem with obtaining a driving license is that everybody believes that they are learning to drive and they're not; they are learning to pass a driving test. Nobody learns to drive until the test has been passed and they're let loose to jostle for position on the road with all the others who desperately need to make a gargantuan effort to be in front of everybody else and twenty yards further down the road. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

ENDEAVOUR SHUTTLE - STS118

Just watched the launch of Shuttle STS118 (Endeavour) live on NASA TV. I haven't watched a Shuttle launch on live TV for absolutely years and watching it on-line at NASA.gov was a great new experience. It is amazing to think that the Shuttle program has been in orbit now for some 26 years, and despite the various setbacks along the way it is hard to believe that the Sun is about to set on the Shuttle program. I watched the first Shuttle launch on Tv from behind my desk at school and watching this most recent launch raised the adrenalin level a few degrees.

What an absolutely awesome ride! Eight minutes to Earth orbit and the ride of your life is worth paying for in my book. The pictures shot from the main tank camera showing Earth receding into the distance were fantastic and it reminded me of watching the film taken from the Saturn 5 launches of the Apollo program, pictures that will probably be seen again in the coming years when NASA gets the Orion project off the launchpad. It will be a sad day when the last Shuttle flight touches down because I feel that Orion is a backward step. Orion doesn't have the functionality of the Shuttle and it doesn't have the heavy lift capability of the Shuttle. NASA is going to have to rely on 1960's Russian technology for at least five years after the last Shuttle touches down whilst it recrafts its own 1960's technology to go back to the Moon and to reach out towards Mars. Retiring the Shuttle is a mistake that could prove to be very costly in the years to come, paticularly if the ISS were to develop a major problem. I sincerely hope that someone at NASA has the balls to stand up and be counted, and reverse the decision to ground the Shuttle. It still has a place and a function in the exploration of Space.

I'M STILL HERE...!!!

Hi people. I'm not posting regularly at the moment due to lack of time. I have two family members in hospital suffering from different things (one quite serious) and other family to look after which is consuming every spare minute of the day. stay faithful and i'l be back soon. Thanks for reading.... Oscar.

ALL CHANGE PLEASE...

I'll be honest, I was sorry to see Blair leaving Downing Street yesterday (27th June 2007). In spite of some of the gaffes he made during his ten years in office I quite liked the guy. The people who regarded him as Bush's poodle should remember that there is a bit of the British Bulldog inside all of us here in Blighty. It is highly probable that Bush would have nuked Iran, Iraq, and Afghanistan off the face of the planet if Blair hadn't been stood behind him holding the leash. There are some amongst us who probably think that is no bad thing and I would be lieing if I said I hadn't considered it an option on a couple of occasions but there is a right way to do things. That is not to say that the right things were done but then I don't believe in appeasement either. It is right that Blair should become the Middle East Peace Envoy. He is for my money probably the greatest Statesman that this country has seen since Winston Churchill and I hope that history eventually treats him kindly.

It is worth noting that the Middle East was a British problem since the Balfour Declaration of 1917 which paved the way for a Jewish homeland in Palestine, and didn't the British Government obtain control of Iraq from the League of Nations at the end of the First World War? I seem to recall from my school history lessons that British troops were involved in the ongoing struggle between the Turks and the Arabs (also during the First World War), which gave one T.E. Lawrence fame as Lawrence of Arabia. The Americans have been trying to resolve the issues in the Middle East for as long as I can remember. It is time for a British Statesman to have a go at sorting it out; we did foul it up after all, rather like we fouled up Northern Ireland and we are talking about the same person who managed to set things on the right path out there. Give the Man a break.

On a different tack, 10 Downing Street is now under the control of a Stalinist control freak with delusions of grandeur and OCD. Gordon Brown has no mandate from the British public to sit in the seat of power that he now occupies. It is bad enough that we are funding the Scots to the tune of around 5000 pounds a person and that Scottish MP's are allowed to vote on matters of state that only affect England. Everything that we have to pay for the Scots get for free. The Scots already have their own First Minister sitting in their own parliament. They don't need another one sitting in the English Parliament. It is time for a change in the Law so that if a sitting Prime Minister resigns his or her a position the reigning Monarch has to dissolve Parliament and call for a General Election. There is something very wrong when someone can assume the ultimate position of authority in this country unopposed and unelected.

Go back to Scotland Gordon. We don't need you this side of the border.

A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.

Many years ago, a British comedian called Tony Hancock broadcast a sketch called The Blood Donor on a BBC Radio programme called Hancock's Half Hour. This coming Friday(1/6/2007) a Dutch television station, BNN, are going to broadcast a live show called The Big Donor. The trouble is that this show is anything but comedic in its content. It is very real and it is the latest creation from reality TV producers Endemol who brought us Big Brother, which is about to start its eighth series in the UK despite the controversy surrounding the recent celebrity edition of the show.

The Big Donor is television at its very worst and BNN claim to be broadcasting it as tribute to station founder Bart de Graaf who died of kidney failure five years ago, and also to highlight the challenges of finding donor organs for transplant. A 37 year-old woman with a terminal illness is to choose a recipient for her kidneys from three patients awaiting transplant surgery, and her choice will be aided by the public who will be able to send text messages in to the show (duration 80 minutes) to "advise" her on her choice. This kind of TV beggars belief! Two people in need of transplant surgery are going to end the evening knowing that their chance of finding a donor match may have passed them by and that they may not get another chance at being able to live a normal healthy life. I'm surprised that Endemol and BNN haven't arranged for the transplant surgery to be done on live TV when the time comes, or maybe an eight week long reality bonanza aired three times a day to enable the public to watch the 37 year-old donor as her life ebbs away.

I cannot believe that the donor is being given the power to make a decision about who is to receive her kidneys on her passing. The only persons qualified to make this decision are the doctors and the surgeon who will do the transplant, and there is still no guarantee that the recipient's body will not reject the organs at a later date. Instead, we will see a decision based on anything and everything but the medical needs of the intended recipients, and a decision that should be made in private, not aired to a nation on live TV. Endemol and BNN are playing God with the lives of four people, exercising the power of Life and Death in the name of informative entertainment, and they are overstepping the mark by a country mile. Endemol in particular have been pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable in television and I personally feel that this time they have really gone too far. I don't pretend to know anything about either Dutch or International Law, but as far as I know, the trading of human body parts for transplant is illegal. Endemol will certainly profit financially from this programme, the only question is whether they can be seen to be profiting from a trade in human body parts, and whether anyone in a position of authority will do anything about it.

With the new series of Big Brother starting today (30/05/2007) in the UK I would suggest that all contestants beware. Viewers may be asked to vote on which body parts are to be removed from the contestants prior to their respective evictions from the Big Brother House. Anything is possible where Endemol are concerned. They are certainly not strangers in the Broadcasting Regulator's office and I'm sure that they already have their next appointment booked. With the furore of the racism row surrounding the recent celebrity edition of Big Brother still hanging in the air it is possible, just possible, that Endemol have sewn the seeds of their own destruction. Tonight they will make the first of three public apologies about the celebrity edition, not because they want to but because the Regulator has stamped his foot and told them to do so. I suspect that they may be the first of many. Endemol should have no place in television and the best way to vote is by switching channels.

CUTTY SARK

I was appalled yesterday (21/05/07) morning when I turned on Sky News to see the pictures of Cutty Sark ablaze in her dry dock at Greenwich, in London. I grew up in London and have been on board the ship several times, and she had been a regular part of my childhood as I crossed the River Thames between Woolwich and Greenwich. At that time Sir Francis Chichester's yacht Gypsy Moth IV was on display nearby. It is perhaps fortunate that it is no longer there, otherwise that might have burned as well.

It is strange that with all the strife in the world that is broadcast on rolling news channels that the loss of Cutty Sark has hit me quite hard. Watching the ship burning on TV was quite an upsetting experience and it has left me feeling like a part of me has died. I hope the fire was an accident and not Arson as the police think it may have been. If somebody fired this piece of history I hope they are proud of what they have done. The picture on the front of today's TIMES (22/05/07) of the burned out hull shows just how devastating the fire was. It is fortunate that a large part of the ship's timbers, the masts and rigs, and parts of the superstructure including fixtures like the figurehead had been removed as part of the restoration project that had been started six months ago. At least these will survive to go back into the ship if it can be rebuilt.

The only other surviving example of a tea clipper like Cutty Sark is the City of Adelaide, which has been left to rot on a slipway at the Scottish Maritime Museum, Irvine, Ayrshire, for the last 16 years. I have to say that it is very coincidental that a meeting is to take place next week in Edinburgh with regard to dismantling City of Adelaide due to failure to secure the necessary funding (10M Pounds) to restore the ship. The loss of both ships within a week would just be too much and herein lies a problem. The money in the restoration fund for Cutty Sark would restore City of Adelaide which is now probably a more viable proposition. City of Adelaide was still afloat up until 1990 when she sank at her moorings. The ship was salvaged and left on the slipway where she still stands today. The trouble is that City of Adelaide doesn't have the same heritage as Cutty Sark. The cost of repairing Cutty Sark is now going to increase by at least 5M Pounds, and that is assuming that the iron hull is salvageable from what is left in the dry dock at Greenwich.

The vision for the future of Cutty Sark was a good one. I just hope that the ship still has a future and that it can be rebuilt for the enjoyment of future generations, just as I enjoyed it as a child. The icing on the cake would be for funding to become available to restore City of Adelaide as well. 10M Pounds is a drop in the proverbial ocean when you consider the amount of money that changes hands for football clubs and players. Someone out there has the money to save these two ships for the Nation. It would be even better to see City of Adelaide made seaworthy again and sailed in the Tall Ships Race that bears Cutty Sark's name.

Somebody make it happen.

CABLE SHOPPING CHANNEL JARGONBUSTER

If you really want one of these you need to get on the phone now because we don't have many left.

Somebody please phone in and order one, we've got shed loads left in the warehouse!!

I've actually got one of these shirts myself...

I wouldn't be seen dead in this you Saps!

These jumpers are really great. I'd buy one of these and wear it myself.

This is the ugliest piece of clothing I've seen in ages.

This is an absolutely stunning, stunning gold ring!

My kid got a better looking ring than this out of a bubblegum machine last week.

A wonderful Californian white wine, ideal with outdoor food at this time of year.

OK to put on your chips or to clean the BBQ but don't drink it!

The quality of this Bathroom Suite is absolutely perfect.

What a load of old shite...!!

This is an incredibly stylish piece of jewellery.

This is what a tacky piece of Chav Bling looks like ...

What an amazing use of color in these Bedding Sets. They will really bring the room to life.

This will make your bedroom look like an explosion in a paint factory.

Follow me over here with the camera and we'll take a look at our next item. I'm actually very excited about this piece.

Come over here with me. I've got another dead horse to flog before we go off air at midnight.

This really is one of the most sturdy and robust bedside cabinets I've ever seen on Bargain Basement TV.

It won't last long, but so long as it doesn't fall to bits before the money-back guarantee expires we don't care!

MILKING IT.

There are some things that we need and the people that make these things know it. they also know how to charge for these things, knowing that we pay up or suffer. Razors are a good example. Disposables are cheap enough but so are the results. Good quality replacement blades however, cost an arm and a leg. These things are turned out in the millions at next to no cost, yet the retail price defies description. It's called Profiteering and we put up with it, and the biggest profiteers of all are Central Government, particularly when it comes to Duty on cigarettes, fuel, and alcohol.

Anyhow, this particular gripe has been pulled out of the hat after a trip into town to purchase some sunscreen. There has been a big thing of late about the need to cover up in the sun and to regularly apply sunscreen because of the rapid rise in reported cases of skin cancer, mostly due to over exposure to the sun. Various scare tactics have been used by companies that would like us to buy their products, but having just purchased some sunscreen I can see why skin cancer is on the increase. The last bottle of sunscreen that I purchased cost around six pounds. It seems that the current asking price is around fourteen pounds for 200ml (around 7fl oz in old money) for something that is apparently going to save our lives. Only, it isn't. It's ultimately going to cost lives because not everyone can afford to pay stupid money for a bottle of sunscreen that will only last an average family a few days.

Profiteering on this scale at the expense of public health really is criminal. It won't be long before the Government of this fine nation finds a way of charging us a Suntan Tax to pay for the rises in cases of skin cancer treatment on our terminally ill National Health Service. Not so long ago we all received a crappy little booklet telling us what to do in the event of a national emergency (Tesco's running out of Gin and Tonic etc). I wonder how long it will be before we receive another one telling us what to do in the event of waking up to a gloriously sunny day.

• If it's sunny, proceed to the nearest drugstore.
• Select your favourite sunscreen and take it to the till.
• Pay for your sunscreen and pay your suntan tax.
• Return home.
• Apply as much sunscreen as possible. Don't forget, we need you to buy another bottle very soon.
• Enjoy the rest of the day indoors because it's too hot outside, or maybe it has just started raining.

How many millions of gallons of this stuff is manufactured every year? Surely it can't be that expensive to produce? furthermore, why does it have to be repackaged every year? How long does it take someone to redesign a plastic bottle and how much does it cost? Add to this the cost of retooling and new screen printing to make said bottle. HELLO! Planet Earth to Sunscreen Man. Just leave the f***ing bottle alone and stop ripping us off! It doesn't matter if the bottle is shorter, fatter, and a slightly paler shade of whatever colour. Does the product work and is it affordable, that is what matters. And Mr Sunscreen Man, when you're sunning it up on a Maldive beach, think about all of us who can't leave our own houses on a sunny day because we can't afford your products anymore, and remember who put you on your beach in the first place because you're taking the piss!

FICTIONAL REALITY

I read an article recently on Yahoo News that has been lurking in the back of my mind ever since. The article was written about a group of scientists that had been researching the possibilities of making an Invisibility Cloak as per Harry Potter. The bottom line was that said scientists had taken the fictional prop penned by JK Rowling and made it a reality. As I read the article it was passing through my mind that well paid research scientists must have something better to do than try and bring a literary device off the page and into the real world. However, further reading revealed all. One day it could be used in a military capacity to hide military hardware on a battlefield.

I have to wonder whether any of the scientists involved in this project were part of the team that proved it was possible to teleport atoms from one side of a laboratory to the other, in much the same way that Gene Roddenberry had people teleported from the star ship Enterprise to the surface of whatever planet was in whatever episode of Star Trek. I am sure that one day US forces will find a way of teleporting in and out of whatever their hot spot of the week is, armed with copies of Luke Skywalker's lightsabre and Ripley's pulse rifle, hiding under their personal Harry Potter invisibility cloaks. Meanwhile tanks and aircraft will be hidden from view using a version of the Klingon cloaking device. It is very possible that George Bush Jr already has a Penseive like Professor Dumbledore's, because his head seems to be remarkably empty at times. It used to be said that "war was the mother of invention", but it seems that the roles are reversing and invention is becoming the mother of war. It wont be long at this rate before politicians start reading about fictional battles and start looking into the possibilities of taking them off the page and fighting them for real. Who needs Virtual Reality when you can have Fictional Reality.

WASTED MONEY AND NATIONAL PRIDE

I was somewhat astounded to see a policeman drive past me today in a brand spanking new 07 reg BMW X5. Police forces across the country are regularly complaining that budget constraints prevent them from doing their jobs and providing necessary resources yet Sussex Police have managed to add yet another luxury vehicle to their ever expanding fleet of luxury Sports saloons/estates and SUV's. An X5 is not a cheap vehicle in standard road trim and I shudder to think how much public money has been wasted on purchasing this bazza'd up Bavarian Land Rover rip-off. I suspect that it isn't the only X5 to have been added to the Sussex Police fleet either. I can understand that Sussex Police will have a need for a certain amount of off-road vehicles but they are already in possession of Land Rover Defenders for that kind of work. A BMW X5 is a symbol of how much money you've got to waste on a vehicle to go posing around the town, and Sussex Police don't have any money to waste.

I think it is fair to say right now that I have a problem with local authorities spending public money on over-priced, German-made vehicles. Call me jingoistic if you will but we had a national car manufacturer in the shape of MG Rover who built a car that was considered by the people in the "know" to be quite a good car, and that was the "75". The Touring estate was an ideal base for a general purpose emergency response vehicle that would have been usable by all three emergency services. To be fair to the Fire And Rescue, and the Ambulance Service, they both seem to run fleets of quite ordinary cars like Ford Mondeos and Vauxhall Vectras but the Plod seem to consider themselves special and have to have the most expensive luxury cars they can lay their bent hands on.

Central Government could have saved MG Rover if the Home Office had had control of the budgets for new police vehicles instead of allowing the umpteen police forces across the country to spunk money away like it doesn't matter. If you go to Germany you will find that the Polizei drive German-made vehicles, go to France and the Gendarmes drive French-made vehicles, go to Italy and the Polizia drive Fiats. Come to Great Britain and you will find we are not so great after all because the Plod drive round in cars made anywhere but Great Britain, and we don't have a national car manufacturer anymore. "And why not?" I hear you ask. Because our glorious leaders took what was left of our national motoring heritage and sold it down the river to a German rival, specifically BMW who asset-stripped MG Rover and left it to the wolves.

Just to finish up, I put the evening News on the television after I started writing this, just in time to see Mr Des Browne MP (Government Minister for Pathetic Excuses) climbing into the back of a nice new ministerial car. Surprisingly enough it was a BMW. It is not surprising that the people of this Country have very little national pride when even our egotistical Leaders don't have any.

EASTERN PROMISE(S)

I've had a few days to think since publishing my last posting and have reached a few conclusions with regards to the blatant kidnapping of British servicemen by Iran.

• Knowingly crossing an international boundary without permission with an armed force constitutes an act of war and that is exactly what the Iranian Revolutionary Guard have done.
• If British forces crossed into Iranian territory one has to assume that the airspace over Iranian water was also violated by the Lynx helicopter from HMS Cornwall (F99). If that is the case why was it not shot down by the Iranian gunboats that were supposedly protecting their own territory.
• The dhow that was involved in the incident has to have been a "plant" by the Iranians. It was moored close enough to the border in shallow water where HMS Cornwall couldn't get to it and the Iranian gunboats could. It was made suspicious enough for the commanding officer of HMS Cornwall to instigate a search of the vessel and as soon as the servicemen boarded the dhow the Iranians made their play. The whole thing was a setup from the very beginning.
• The Government of this country needs to make it very clear to Iran that they have committed an Act of War and that we are prepared to treat it as such.
• We are operating in the Persian Gulf as part of a United Nations Force. The UN needs to get behind this country and make it clear that the repatriation of British personnel will be done with force if necessary.
• It is already quite clear that Iranian Shia's are stirring up the insurgency in Iraq, and as soon as the UN forces are withdrawn from Iraq I fully expect to see the Revolutionary Guard cross the border from Iran. These two countries already have a history of conflict and it isn't over yet.
• History has shown over the years that promises made by countries like Iran are not worth the air that it takes to float them, and anybody who takes them at anything more than a few spoken words is bordering on stupid.

Just to finish up I sincerely hope that Mr Blair is not considering handing over the administration of this country to a new Prime Minister while this matter is unresolved. I notice in today's news that Gordon Brown is poncing around in Afghanistan introducing himself to people in anticipation of his expected takeover of the Premiership. His timing is particularly bad and this trip should have been cancelled until after the leadership election has taken place. Blair hasn't resigned yet and any move to do so under the current circumstances is going to be seen in the Middle East as a weakness to be used and played with to the full. In spite of his numerous failings Blair has a proven track record as a Leader and is capable of standing his ground when it is required of him, whereas Brown only has a record for juggling numbers and conning the tax paying public into thinking he's just done them a favour.

QUESTIONS FOR THE M.O.D. ABOUT THE SERVICEMEN CURRENTLY IN IRANIAN CUSTODY

• How did these servicemen allow themselves to be detained in the first instance?
• Were they totally unaware of what was happening around them?
• How can you miss the presence of five hostile patrol boats in your area?
• Why were these servicemen inadequately armed to defend themselves if they were only carrying sidearms as reported?
• HMS Cornwall must have been aware of the Iranian patrol boats in the area and surely must have been tracking their positions. Why did HMS Cornwall fail to respond to the threat as soon as it became apparent and at least provide some air cover until further assistance was possible?
• Were these servicemen in radio contact with HMS Cornwall and did HMS Cornwall alert them to possibility of Iranian interference?
• Was the dhow that was being searched for smuggled vehicles planted by Iranian security forces to enable this chain of events to take place, and were British forces reacting to a tip-off when the dhow was boarded?
• Iran is currently subject to UN resolution with regard to its nuclear enrichment program. Surely a cross-border raid to capture foreign servicemen to use as bargaining chips must constitute an Act of War and should be treated as such?

Would anybody from the MOD or the Home Office care to answer some of these questions or are we all to stupid to be told the truth?

POST-BUDGET THOUGHTS

It has been a few days since my last entry and the Budget has been and gone, giving me time to collate some thoughts on what has come to pass. The owners of gas-guzzler vehicles were taxed to the hilt as expected and used as scapegoats for all that is wrong with our environment, whilst Blue Chip oil companies who are responsible for the fact that we are all still using their products to run our vehicles have received a two percent cut in Corporation Tax... that seems fair to me. NOT!

Oil companies are predominantly responsible for preventing new fuel-saving technology from ever reaching the market place. They have spent many years buying up Patents and designs to prevent technology that would have weakened their stranglehold on the market place from getting further than the drawing board. NASA sent men to the Moon using fuel cell technology forty years ago, yet we still cannot transplant that technology into a modern motor vehicle because of supposed astronomic production costs. I am obviously very thick because I cannot for the life of me understand what it is that makes a Hydrogen Fuel Cell so expensive to produce, particularly on the scale required to support the manufacture of motor vehicles. The only reason I can find for it is that the global economy that thrives on how many barrels of crude oil are sold each day would collapse overnight from the sudden loss of revenue. Governments would fall and a New World Order would arise where the oil baron held no sway, and America was no longer the voice of the planet.

On a slightly different tack but still looking at "Green" Gordons' Red Box of Surprises, it seems to me that a chance was missed to really make a difference to our environment and tax something that has no place in the modern world... the humble, indestructible, non-biodegradeable, plastic carrier bag. There is no excuse for anybody going shopping to come home with armfuls of carrier bags. It is high time that the bloody things were made illegal and people went back to using proper canvas bags that last a lifetime. Start charging a Pound for every plastic carrier bag that leaves a shop and everyone will start to think twice about using the damn things. I shudder to think of how much of our valuable landfill space is full of plastic bags that will never degrade, or how many plastic bags are burnt in local authority incinerators every day adding to the general atmospheric pollution.

So here we are. Next year it is going to cost me an extra Two Hundred Pounds to tax the car, and an extra Fifty Pounds in increased fuel duty to add to the Twelve Hundred Pounds combined(approximately) that I already pay the Government of this glorious nation every year for the priveledge(!) of owning a car. Gordon, if you're reading this I would just like to let you know on behalf of the car owning public that you're taking the F***ing Piss!

VEHICLE EXCISE DUTY - A FAIRER WAY?

Gordon Brown's alleged plans to tax 4x4's and gas-guzzling cars off the road are a complete travesty. It is apparently only going to affect some 225,000 motorists so what precisely is the Government expecting to gain from this ridiculous plan? Added to this is the photograph on page4 of The Times(20/03/2007) showing a woman holding a placard saying "no 4x4's on the school run". The amount of such vehicles on the school run is minimal in comparison to the amount of vehicles that are actually on school runs in the first instance, and Gordon Brown is the idiot who made it cheaper for families to own a second vehicle with which to do the school run by reducing the excise duty on smaller cars. It is these vehicles that clog up our roads on a twice daily basis, polluting the atmosphere and bringing our town centres to a standstill at a time when people are trying to get to work. It is a pleasure to drive during school holidays when the school runners are off the road and the normal daily congestion is non-existent. It is these vehicles that need to be taxed off the road and then this generation of couch potato children who can't walk any further than the car would have to learn to use their feet and walk to school.

We already have a system of taxation that charges us for the amount of fuel that we use in our cars and it charges us at the point of purchase in the fuel station. Approximately 90pence in every pound that we spend on petrol/diesel is passed on to the Treasury in some form or another. The vehicle excise duty as it exists should be scrapped altogether and replaced with a much fairer system of taxation. For example, introduce a personal annual mileage allowance. Is it fair that somebody who uses a Range Rover to drive 6000 miles a year should pay twice the amount for a Road Fund Licence as somebody who drives 35000 miles a year in a Vauxhall Vectra? No it isn't. MOT testing stations already log vehicle mileage so it wouldn't be difficult for the DVLA to use this data in tracking vehicle mileage for excise purposes. Mileage allowances could be purchased in blocks of 1000 miles and paid for through the network of pay points that we use to pay for telephone credit or gas credit, and the beauty is that nearly every fuel station has a pay point machine behind the counter. Any imbalance in our mileage allowances could be paid for prior to a new MOT certificate being issued and everybody is squared off and happy. It would probably save the DVLA some money as well because half the pen-pushers at Swansea wouldn't be needed anymore. We could then use the redundant office space by converting it into flats to help relieve the so-called housing shortage in this country.

I wonder how many of the 225,000 vehicle owners that will be affected by this taxation plan of Brown's will be voting Labour at the next General Election? Not many, I'll warrant. I know that I wont be voting Labour anymore and for a Government that has fallen 15points behind in recent polls that loss of votes could be the final nail in the coffin that buries this Government and consigns it to the pages of History. I have said in other places that I believe Gordon Brown is unfit to govern as Prime Minister and there is more proof of it with every day that passes. I don't see him turning down the use of a ministerial gas-guzzling Jaguar to make the short trip from Downing Street to the Houses of Parliament every day, but I guess that is what Politics is all about; Rhetoric and Hypocrisy.

GLIMMERMAN

Glimmerman Steven Seagal has taken to the stage and is currently touring the UK with his band THUNDERBOX. I said at the time of seeing the first poster for the show at our local theatre that anybody buying a ticket would be very disappointed. Lets be honest, anybody who can name their band after an English slang term for a sit-down toilet has got to be taking the piss, so it came as no surprise to read in a recent local rag that Mr. Seagal totally failed to glimmer and that the show was a total flop which resulted in a walkout by some of the audience who had paid upwards of twenty eight pounds for a ticket.

The general consensus of the walking public was that the show was pretty poor and that the sound quality was awful. A statement from the theatre concerned ends with the words:

"Like many other theatres in the UK, we booked the show in good faith on the basis of details provided by the promoter".

The promoter concerned is ORDINARY PR, who believe that Mr. Seagal and his Thunderbox had another successful evening. OF COURSE THEY DID! They walked away with a huge sum of money which most of us don't earn in a year. No wonder Mr. Seagal is quoted as "...thoroughly enjoyed the W......g Show." I think I would have enjoyed the show for the large sum of money that changed hands that night. ORDINARY PR would have regarded the show a success as well; any promoter worth his weight will have trousered at least three grand from the night.

The moral of this little story... look a bit further than the end of your nose when a big name crops up out of their known genre, especially in a small-town provincial theatre. Anybody with a big name who is worth their weight will put their reputation on a much larger stage. and take a good look at the name, please. THUNDERBOX has got S**t written all over it.

SPREADING THE WORD.

I like my Saturday morning lay-in and the familiar sounds that go with it; the milkman doing his rounds, the postman at the letterbox, and the general hubbub of the town coming to life as people go to work. The sounds gradually settle into the general hum of life going on outside as I slowly drift off back to sleep, a sleep rudely shattered some half an hour later by someone battering on the front door. I am not expecting anybody and it is not the knocking of anybody I know. Whoever it is knocks again quite firmly in a way that says "Open the door, or else!" Going downstairs into the hallway I can see a dark-suited figure through the frosted glass of the front door. I am tempted to ignore it but it could be important so I have no choice but to open the front door.

"Good morning. I hope we didn't wake you?"

"Yes actually, you did."

"We are out today asking people if they think there will ever be a lasting peace in the World?"

"If your not of my doorstep within the next five seconds you'll find out, now f**k off!"

Standing before me are two very real MEN IN BLACK, representatives of the Kingdoms' Hall better known as Jehovah's Witnesses. They rather stupidly try to make a stand that General Custer would have been proud of, as I gently but firmly explain to them that the only thing that is going to be witnessed here this morning by them is me losing my rag and some extreme violence if they have to be removed by force from the doorstep; the choice is theirs to make. They rather sensibly beat a hasty retreat to the pavement followed by some words of wisdom.

"Religion is the root of all evil and the bringer of wars fought in its name. There will never be peace on Earth until Religion accepts Religion or it wipes itself out and ceases to exist. Now p*** off and don't come back."

I am interested to know what exactly it was that these people are supposed to have witnessed in the past. Did a bunch of street corner urchins watch Jehovah knock on someones door? Did Jehovah receive a desert wellington to the cods? Did Jehovah retire to the street clutching his shattered nuts? Did this group of urchins stand up and say,

"Lord, we saw the kicking of the Holy Testes, we will be your witnesses in this matter."

These people are verging on being cultists and in these days of Radicalism and Fundamentalism I find it hard to believe that they are allowed to wander the streets on The Knock, trying to indoctrinate people into joining their fold and giving all their property and money to the Church. The part I really hate to see is the booted and suited children that are dragged round the streets with them; children who have no toys, no television, no music, and worst of all, no friends. This is just another form of child abuse as far as I am concerned and I speak from seeing this sort of treatment first hand, having worked with two people who were Witnesses. They were both Systems Engineers and they didn't even have computers at home because they didn't want their respective kids being influenced by the evils of the outside world. What a bunch of two-faced hypocrites! If I want religion I will go out and find it for myself. I don't need it shoved in my face on my own doorstep by some fruitcake who looks like his wife has scrubbed him with a stiff broom before leaving the house.

If you have religion and it helps you along your lifepath, then good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for. There is no right way and what is right for one is not right for all.

Be well.

WORTH

I have a real problem with advertisements for products being sold off cheap or given away in a package deal using the word "WORTH" to make us feel that we are getting a good deal. Who is to decide what something is worth? As far as I am concerned, something is only worth what I am prepared to pay for it. Something worth Thirty Pounds to one person might only be worth Ten Quid to me.

The local electrical store has a DAB Digital radio in the window for 99 pounds, and they are giving away a free extension speaker to all purchasers "worth" 30 pounds. It is clearly not worth 30 pounds; it is a cheap piece of crappy plastic dressed up as something it isn't. It may well have a recommended retail price of 30 pounds but it isn't worth 30 pounds. These kind of promotions exist all the time to con us into thinking that we are getting a good bargain and that it is value for money. The only people who get value for money are the brand name owners who have had their products manufactured in some third world country for pennies. That is where the real worth of these products really comes to the fore; pennies paid to a third world population to manufacture consumer goods for a western throw-away culture that is being fleeced of a substantial sum of Pounds, Dollars, Euros, ETC for the latest must-have gadgets. It wouldn't be so bad if the people who make these products were paid a decent living wage instead of the pittance received by many who still live in poverty, but the brand name owners don't care about things like that. They are only interested in lining their own pockets with as much money as possible before their respective bubbles burst, or as is more likely these days that their factories are destroyed by an earthquake or some other natural disaster.

There are some areas of technology that I find quite interesting and Radio is one of them. I have always liked my radio and in some ways regard it as a sort of friend. There is always something on to suit the mood of the moment, and unlike the television in this country it isn't full of repeats and syndicated American trash TV (American Idol, Supernatural, etc). I would really like a DAB radio but I cannot justify spending over 100 pounds on something that in DAB terms would be pretty basic. To buy a good one is an absolute fortune and for the outlay required it just isn't "WORTH" it.

30% LESS

30% less sugar, 30% less salt, 30% less carbohydrate, 30% less fat, 30% less than what? 30% less than a gerbil? 30% less than last week? 30% less crisps in the packet? When do we get to see the magical words 30% less "E" additives or better still, 30% extra for 30% less? Never in a month of Sundays, that's when.

Go away and con someone else you useless bastards. How about 30% less marketing men pedalling overpriced shit advertising campaigns for even more overpriced shit products? Better still, lets just have 30% less shit products altogether, which would go someway towards reducing the amount of waste packaging and badly made, broken goods being sent to landfill sites or incinerators across the country. Then maybe we would all have a bit more money in our pockets to spend on something worthwhile, a cleaner country to live in, and cleaner air to breathe.

THE VIRGIN MEDIA - BSKYB DEBACLE

I am really not surprised to hear that Virgin and Sky have had a falling out over TV rights. Rupert Murdoch has always been about monopolising whatever market he has had his fingers in, whereas Richard Branson has always been about breaking monopolies and providing his customers with a quality service and value for money, and I speak as a customer of Virgin Mobile which I can't speak of highly enough. I have always had a quiet admiration for Branson and his attitude towards monopolies and watched with interest as he attempted to break into the trans-Atlantic airline business. Others had tried and failed and many believed that Branson would end up another statistic, being squashed by the big operators like British Airways. It was also said that Virgin were not capable of running a train company at a profit, yet today the franchise that Branson bought into has the best fleet of trains in the country. There are other achievements to take note of as well. Has Mr Murdoch set records for crossing the Atlantic Ocean by balloon or by boat? No, I didn't think so.

Branson succeeds at everything he puts his hands to. Failure is not an option. I can understand people being a bit pissed at the loss of some of their TV channels as a result of this little spat, but all the people threatening to cancel their cable subscriptions and go back to Sky are just playing right into Mr Murdoch's' hands, and lets be honest about it, he would like nothing more than to break the competition. It is, after all, what he is known best for. but this time he will fail because Virgin Media are serious competition who are out to be the best, and with Richard Branson at the helm you can guarantee that the Best is what they will be because Branson has always been good for his word. Murdoch is running scared and he knows it. Furthermore Richard Branson and Virgin Media know it.This fight may go on for some time but there will only be one winner and I know where my money is going.