I like my Saturday morning lay-in and the familiar sounds that go with it; the milkman doing his rounds, the postman at the letterbox, and the general hubbub of the town coming to life as people go to work. The sounds gradually settle into the general hum of life going on outside as I slowly drift off back to sleep, a sleep rudely shattered some half an hour later by someone battering on the front door. I am not expecting anybody and it is not the knocking of anybody I know. Whoever it is knocks again quite firmly in a way that says "Open the door, or else!" Going downstairs into the hallway I can see a dark-suited figure through the frosted glass of the front door. I am tempted to ignore it but it could be important so I have no choice but to open the front door.
"Good morning. I hope we didn't wake you?"
"Yes actually, you did."
"We are out today asking people if they think there will ever be a lasting peace in the World?"
"If your not of my doorstep within the next five seconds you'll find out, now f**k off!"
Standing before me are two very real MEN IN BLACK, representatives of the Kingdoms' Hall better known as Jehovah's Witnesses. They rather stupidly try to make a stand that General Custer would have been proud of, as I gently but firmly explain to them that the only thing that is going to be witnessed here this morning by them is me losing my rag and some extreme violence if they have to be removed by force from the doorstep; the choice is theirs to make. They rather sensibly beat a hasty retreat to the pavement followed by some words of wisdom.
"Religion is the root of all evil and the bringer of wars fought in its name. There will never be peace on Earth until Religion accepts Religion or it wipes itself out and ceases to exist. Now p*** off and don't come back."
I am interested to know what exactly it was that these people are supposed to have witnessed in the past. Did a bunch of street corner urchins watch Jehovah knock on someones door? Did Jehovah receive a desert wellington to the cods? Did Jehovah retire to the street clutching his shattered nuts? Did this group of urchins stand up and say,
"Lord, we saw the kicking of the Holy Testes, we will be your witnesses in this matter."
These people are verging on being cultists and in these days of Radicalism and Fundamentalism I find it hard to believe that they are allowed to wander the streets on The Knock, trying to indoctrinate people into joining their fold and giving all their property and money to the Church. The part I really hate to see is the booted and suited children that are dragged round the streets with them; children who have no toys, no television, no music, and worst of all, no friends. This is just another form of child abuse as far as I am concerned and I speak from seeing this sort of treatment first hand, having worked with two people who were Witnesses. They were both Systems Engineers and they didn't even have computers at home because they didn't want their respective kids being influenced by the evils of the outside world. What a bunch of two-faced hypocrites! If I want religion I will go out and find it for myself. I don't need it shoved in my face on my own doorstep by some fruitcake who looks like his wife has scrubbed him with a stiff broom before leaving the house.
If you have religion and it helps you along your lifepath, then good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for. There is no right way and what is right for one is not right for all.
Be well.
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