A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.

Many years ago, a British comedian called Tony Hancock broadcast a sketch called The Blood Donor on a BBC Radio programme called Hancock's Half Hour. This coming Friday(1/6/2007) a Dutch television station, BNN, are going to broadcast a live show called The Big Donor. The trouble is that this show is anything but comedic in its content. It is very real and it is the latest creation from reality TV producers Endemol who brought us Big Brother, which is about to start its eighth series in the UK despite the controversy surrounding the recent celebrity edition of the show.

The Big Donor is television at its very worst and BNN claim to be broadcasting it as tribute to station founder Bart de Graaf who died of kidney failure five years ago, and also to highlight the challenges of finding donor organs for transplant. A 37 year-old woman with a terminal illness is to choose a recipient for her kidneys from three patients awaiting transplant surgery, and her choice will be aided by the public who will be able to send text messages in to the show (duration 80 minutes) to "advise" her on her choice. This kind of TV beggars belief! Two people in need of transplant surgery are going to end the evening knowing that their chance of finding a donor match may have passed them by and that they may not get another chance at being able to live a normal healthy life. I'm surprised that Endemol and BNN haven't arranged for the transplant surgery to be done on live TV when the time comes, or maybe an eight week long reality bonanza aired three times a day to enable the public to watch the 37 year-old donor as her life ebbs away.

I cannot believe that the donor is being given the power to make a decision about who is to receive her kidneys on her passing. The only persons qualified to make this decision are the doctors and the surgeon who will do the transplant, and there is still no guarantee that the recipient's body will not reject the organs at a later date. Instead, we will see a decision based on anything and everything but the medical needs of the intended recipients, and a decision that should be made in private, not aired to a nation on live TV. Endemol and BNN are playing God with the lives of four people, exercising the power of Life and Death in the name of informative entertainment, and they are overstepping the mark by a country mile. Endemol in particular have been pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable in television and I personally feel that this time they have really gone too far. I don't pretend to know anything about either Dutch or International Law, but as far as I know, the trading of human body parts for transplant is illegal. Endemol will certainly profit financially from this programme, the only question is whether they can be seen to be profiting from a trade in human body parts, and whether anyone in a position of authority will do anything about it.

With the new series of Big Brother starting today (30/05/2007) in the UK I would suggest that all contestants beware. Viewers may be asked to vote on which body parts are to be removed from the contestants prior to their respective evictions from the Big Brother House. Anything is possible where Endemol are concerned. They are certainly not strangers in the Broadcasting Regulator's office and I'm sure that they already have their next appointment booked. With the furore of the racism row surrounding the recent celebrity edition of Big Brother still hanging in the air it is possible, just possible, that Endemol have sewn the seeds of their own destruction. Tonight they will make the first of three public apologies about the celebrity edition, not because they want to but because the Regulator has stamped his foot and told them to do so. I suspect that they may be the first of many. Endemol should have no place in television and the best way to vote is by switching channels.

CUTTY SARK

I was appalled yesterday (21/05/07) morning when I turned on Sky News to see the pictures of Cutty Sark ablaze in her dry dock at Greenwich, in London. I grew up in London and have been on board the ship several times, and she had been a regular part of my childhood as I crossed the River Thames between Woolwich and Greenwich. At that time Sir Francis Chichester's yacht Gypsy Moth IV was on display nearby. It is perhaps fortunate that it is no longer there, otherwise that might have burned as well.

It is strange that with all the strife in the world that is broadcast on rolling news channels that the loss of Cutty Sark has hit me quite hard. Watching the ship burning on TV was quite an upsetting experience and it has left me feeling like a part of me has died. I hope the fire was an accident and not Arson as the police think it may have been. If somebody fired this piece of history I hope they are proud of what they have done. The picture on the front of today's TIMES (22/05/07) of the burned out hull shows just how devastating the fire was. It is fortunate that a large part of the ship's timbers, the masts and rigs, and parts of the superstructure including fixtures like the figurehead had been removed as part of the restoration project that had been started six months ago. At least these will survive to go back into the ship if it can be rebuilt.

The only other surviving example of a tea clipper like Cutty Sark is the City of Adelaide, which has been left to rot on a slipway at the Scottish Maritime Museum, Irvine, Ayrshire, for the last 16 years. I have to say that it is very coincidental that a meeting is to take place next week in Edinburgh with regard to dismantling City of Adelaide due to failure to secure the necessary funding (10M Pounds) to restore the ship. The loss of both ships within a week would just be too much and herein lies a problem. The money in the restoration fund for Cutty Sark would restore City of Adelaide which is now probably a more viable proposition. City of Adelaide was still afloat up until 1990 when she sank at her moorings. The ship was salvaged and left on the slipway where she still stands today. The trouble is that City of Adelaide doesn't have the same heritage as Cutty Sark. The cost of repairing Cutty Sark is now going to increase by at least 5M Pounds, and that is assuming that the iron hull is salvageable from what is left in the dry dock at Greenwich.

The vision for the future of Cutty Sark was a good one. I just hope that the ship still has a future and that it can be rebuilt for the enjoyment of future generations, just as I enjoyed it as a child. The icing on the cake would be for funding to become available to restore City of Adelaide as well. 10M Pounds is a drop in the proverbial ocean when you consider the amount of money that changes hands for football clubs and players. Someone out there has the money to save these two ships for the Nation. It would be even better to see City of Adelaide made seaworthy again and sailed in the Tall Ships Race that bears Cutty Sark's name.

Somebody make it happen.

CABLE SHOPPING CHANNEL JARGONBUSTER

If you really want one of these you need to get on the phone now because we don't have many left.

Somebody please phone in and order one, we've got shed loads left in the warehouse!!

I've actually got one of these shirts myself...

I wouldn't be seen dead in this you Saps!

These jumpers are really great. I'd buy one of these and wear it myself.

This is the ugliest piece of clothing I've seen in ages.

This is an absolutely stunning, stunning gold ring!

My kid got a better looking ring than this out of a bubblegum machine last week.

A wonderful Californian white wine, ideal with outdoor food at this time of year.

OK to put on your chips or to clean the BBQ but don't drink it!

The quality of this Bathroom Suite is absolutely perfect.

What a load of old shite...!!

This is an incredibly stylish piece of jewellery.

This is what a tacky piece of Chav Bling looks like ...

What an amazing use of color in these Bedding Sets. They will really bring the room to life.

This will make your bedroom look like an explosion in a paint factory.

Follow me over here with the camera and we'll take a look at our next item. I'm actually very excited about this piece.

Come over here with me. I've got another dead horse to flog before we go off air at midnight.

This really is one of the most sturdy and robust bedside cabinets I've ever seen on Bargain Basement TV.

It won't last long, but so long as it doesn't fall to bits before the money-back guarantee expires we don't care!

MILKING IT.

There are some things that we need and the people that make these things know it. they also know how to charge for these things, knowing that we pay up or suffer. Razors are a good example. Disposables are cheap enough but so are the results. Good quality replacement blades however, cost an arm and a leg. These things are turned out in the millions at next to no cost, yet the retail price defies description. It's called Profiteering and we put up with it, and the biggest profiteers of all are Central Government, particularly when it comes to Duty on cigarettes, fuel, and alcohol.

Anyhow, this particular gripe has been pulled out of the hat after a trip into town to purchase some sunscreen. There has been a big thing of late about the need to cover up in the sun and to regularly apply sunscreen because of the rapid rise in reported cases of skin cancer, mostly due to over exposure to the sun. Various scare tactics have been used by companies that would like us to buy their products, but having just purchased some sunscreen I can see why skin cancer is on the increase. The last bottle of sunscreen that I purchased cost around six pounds. It seems that the current asking price is around fourteen pounds for 200ml (around 7fl oz in old money) for something that is apparently going to save our lives. Only, it isn't. It's ultimately going to cost lives because not everyone can afford to pay stupid money for a bottle of sunscreen that will only last an average family a few days.

Profiteering on this scale at the expense of public health really is criminal. It won't be long before the Government of this fine nation finds a way of charging us a Suntan Tax to pay for the rises in cases of skin cancer treatment on our terminally ill National Health Service. Not so long ago we all received a crappy little booklet telling us what to do in the event of a national emergency (Tesco's running out of Gin and Tonic etc). I wonder how long it will be before we receive another one telling us what to do in the event of waking up to a gloriously sunny day.

• If it's sunny, proceed to the nearest drugstore.
• Select your favourite sunscreen and take it to the till.
• Pay for your sunscreen and pay your suntan tax.
• Return home.
• Apply as much sunscreen as possible. Don't forget, we need you to buy another bottle very soon.
• Enjoy the rest of the day indoors because it's too hot outside, or maybe it has just started raining.

How many millions of gallons of this stuff is manufactured every year? Surely it can't be that expensive to produce? furthermore, why does it have to be repackaged every year? How long does it take someone to redesign a plastic bottle and how much does it cost? Add to this the cost of retooling and new screen printing to make said bottle. HELLO! Planet Earth to Sunscreen Man. Just leave the f***ing bottle alone and stop ripping us off! It doesn't matter if the bottle is shorter, fatter, and a slightly paler shade of whatever colour. Does the product work and is it affordable, that is what matters. And Mr Sunscreen Man, when you're sunning it up on a Maldive beach, think about all of us who can't leave our own houses on a sunny day because we can't afford your products anymore, and remember who put you on your beach in the first place because you're taking the piss!